Navigating Discomfort and Vulnerability Skillfully

Once we have cleared the way and listened within to identify our soul’s urgings, we most likely will meet inner resistance rooted in fear of exposure, judgement, failure, the unknown, loss and/or embarrassment.

Many of us have internalized the message that what we most desire pursuing in different areas of our life is not worthwhile or within the realm of possibility. Some of us do not feel worthy of realizing what we aspire to experience. 

We imagine that we lack the talent, skills, ability or courage needed to pull of what we envision. We assume that, if we express what is in our hearts, the people in our lives will not hold our feelings with care, receive our truth or consider our needs.

We all have myriad strategies to back away from discomfort and vulnerability. The irony is that, in our attempts to stay within our comfort zone, we spin in a form dissatisfaction and longing that we have grown accustomed to. 

Sometimes we move forward in fits and starts, reaching for substances and distractions that numb or sidetrack us from being fully present to our desires, intentions and feelings. We hold inside what we need to express only to have it come out sideways, increasing the issues in our relationships.

I engaged in avoidance until I realized that did not wish to die not knowing what was on the other side of discomfort and vulnerability. When I engaged my fears clearheaded, awake, present and centered, I learned an key lesson. If we navigate with skill and strategy, we acquire precisely what we need to claim what our Soul is urging us toward.

The tendency to avoid venturing into new territory is biological in the sense that we are hardwired to avoid risk and pain. Our reticence is reinforced as a conditioned response reflected in the behavior of family, peers and culture messaging. 

Both of these inner dynamics are strong and require conscious effort and practice to shift.  The practices and processes I incorporate in my offerings combine ancient techniques with modern methods informed by brain science to support us in overriding our biological urges and social conditioning. 

Different regions of the brain are activated depending on the stimulus we experience. When we contemplate a change in our lives or an action that would advance our aspirations that involves risk, we engage the area of the brain responsible for fight, flight and freeze reactions.

Using breath work developed over thousands of years in the Yogic tradition to calm the central nervous system, we can shift from this reactive response to the rest and digest mode. In this state, we can calmly identify the sources of our resistance in order to look more objectively at the thinking and beliefs that underly our choices and actions. 

When in rest and digest mode, we can engage our fears and address our vulnerability to choose from intention and move though the resistance that arises with skill.

I offer this three part practice that supports us to skillfully shift gears and move mindfully toward discomfort and vulnerability.

1. Use the breath to center and stabilize. 

2. Inquire within asking what do you fear when you think about moving toward a Soul's urging that you have identified. Record what you are feeling and what thoughts and beliefs underly the feelings.

3, Name it. Look objectively at it. Hold it in conscious awareness and consider how you might move through it taking note of what emerges. 

It is simple process. I have found in my experience that the most powerful practices are simple in their structure. It is putting them into practice with intention and consistency that we experience truly profound outcomes. Dr. Dan Siegel who directs the Mindful Awareness Research Center has coined the phrase, “name it to tame it”. 

When we work consciously, we learn to override the impulses of the brain to mindfully lean into what the brain tells us to resist. This is the key because what the brain is conditioned to perceive as risky and “to be avoided” is often what we need to step toward to grow. Through consistency we realize that we can handle the discomfort and vulnerability.

It is my honor and joy to guide individuals in practices and design personalized processes to support healing, growth and manifestation. If you are interested in support in building the skills shared here please email connect@evolvingmindfully.com to inquire about working together.

NEVER in my wildest dreams...

NEVER in my wildest dreams would have imagined I would become a professional astrologist! 

Here is why I have:

We come into this world with a unique nature. We are open, curious, hungry for life, and human connection. We meet our “nurture” (the circumstances of our life) and thus begins a formative process. The development of our identity unfolds at the intersection of our innate nature and the contextual nurture that reflects the conditions of our family, community, religion, culture and political paradigm. 

In the messages of our caregivers, the tenants of our culture, the dogma of our religion, the opinions of our peers and our position in the political context, we can lose the unique essence of our nature. As we internalize the context of our lives, our authentic voice, our soul’s perspective, our creative urges and heart’s desires can be obscured or distorted. 

We feel this and it pains us, whether consciously or unconsciously, we long for something else and seek outside of ourselves to find what is missing. Looking to uncover our authenticity and essence, we look for an accurate reflection of our genuine nature and our inner knowing in people, places, philosophy and things. The reflections we find are most often incomplete, inaccurate or filtered through others’ projections.

While I do not understand how it works, just like I do not understand fully how genetic science works, I stand in awe of the accuracy and insight of the astrological perspective in reflecting the “nature” of our psyche, the dynamics of our thinking and emotions, the purpose of our soul’s journey and our lessons in this life. 

In my experience with myown chart and in interpreting others, I have come to see astrology as the DNA of our psyche. Each natal (birth) chart is like a blueprint of the soul’s landscape in this lifetime. Just as we are individual and unique, a natal chart will not repeat for 24,000 years. 

Within the intricate dynamic system of astrology as articulated by philosophers, observers and explorers of the human psyche and cosmic landscape over thousands of years, I find it to be angle for peering through the layers of “nurture” into the “nature” of myself and others. 

A skillful astrological interpretation:

• fosters compassionate awareness of our deepest nature
• imparts insight into the ways we lose ourselves in the context of our lives
• supports clarity regarding internal patterns that trip us up
• yields directives for manifesting our gifts
• offers perspective on our life lessons and purpose

Astrology is powerful because it provides a dynamic and holistic lens on our lives; a view into our unconscious.  With this angle of perspective we are empowered to heal our wounds, lean into our strengths, manifest the intimacy we crave and give ourselves permission to be who we came here to be.

Astrology is a game changer for those who truly long to take the reins and navigate their course skillfully toward the direction of their purpose in this lifetime. Through this lens we bring what rules us on the unconscious level to the level of conscious awareness where we can utilize this potent material to fuel our personal development and spiritual evolution. 

This is why I have become an astrologist. It would be my honor and joy to offer you this perspective and support you in seeing into yourself through the eyes of the soul. 

Listening Deeply

Last month I shared that this year's inspiration, practices and offerings will chart a path to support the process of clearing, listening, aligning with and devoting ourselves to our Soul’s urgings.

As we engage in clearing the way, we are better prepared to listen deeply. Ancient dissectionists spoke of the auditory nerve being divided into three pathways. They deduced that the ear was designed to hear on different levels with respect to:

Mundane conversation 

Apprehension of learning and art

Listening to the Soul itself for guidance and knowledge

While modern anatomy and physiology provide a mechanistic explanation of hearing, considering the point of view of early scientist and philosophers, provides a more nuanced perspective to orienting ourselves toward deep listening. Given this we may ask:

How often do I attune to listen deeply within?

When we do listen within we may confront myriad messages that are contradictory. Considering this we may ask:

    How well do I distinguish the source and relevance of the inner voices that inform my feelings, thoughts and actions?

To draw this distinction, it is helpful to reflect upon the aspects of the psyche that are referred to as the Ego and the Soul. 

The Ego is preoccupied with the material aspects of life: safety, psychical comfort, security, status and pleasure. Interested in the freedom to satisfy needs and material desires, it preferences individuation and independence. The voice of the Ego reflects the part of us that thinks in terms of avoiding struggle, discomfort, judgement, risk of failure and loss. It often express in ways that are defensive, reactionary and shortsighted.

The Soul is oriented toward wisdom perspective: ethical considerations, genuine intimacy and holistic wellbeing. The Soul charts a path toward personal/spiritual development, urging us toward vulnerability, challenge and/or discomfort, in order to learn and grow. The voice of the Soul speaks to us through inner guidence that transcends the cultural (material and dogmatic) and temporal context of our lives. The soulful voice takes the longview, leading us to our growing edge to realize our potential in this life. 

We all need a healthy Ego. The key is to not let the Ego perspective run our inner dialogue. Learning to distinguish mindfully between the Ego and the Soul with respect to our feelings and thoughts is essential. Drawing this distinction helps us to make choices that align with our holistic wellbeing and personal growth.

In the coming weeks, I invite you to practice the art of deep listening. Try one or both of the following practices. The first being a simple exercise in listening within; the second an exercise in distinguishing between the Ego and the Soul perspective.

Carve out an hour or two to take a walk alone in nature. As you walk breathe deeply and listen with full attention to the sounds of the outer landscape. Find a place to sit with your back to a tree or lie on the ground and open the ears of your heart, listening to the inner landscape. Alternate between listening outside and inside. 

When you feel intensity arise, take time aside and find a quite space to drop into your body through deep breathing and tuning into your senses. Either writing in a journal or recording in a device, give voice to the Ego and the Soul with respect to a situation that is challenging you or a question you are working through. Speak or write from the point of view of both the Ego and the Soul, giving equal time to both voices. 

Inner listening is a skill that involves and engages all of you. Orienting ourselves toward this third level of listening allows us to discern which voices to simply listen to with an ear toward compassionate self-awareness. Within the inner spaciousness that arises when we mindfully observe our inner landscape, we can discern where to put our attention, attend to our wounds, address essential needs, take action, be still, let go, challenge ourselves...

As we become adept at listening to ourselves and orienting toward the Soul, we can extend this skill to how we listen to others. Engaging in these practices personally is of service to our partners, families, peers and communities: for the collective is a reflection of each of us as individuals.

As always I would love hear how this material lands and lives in you. Please share your thoughts or ask questions so I may better serve.

The process of mindful evolution is ongoing and cyclical. Clearing the way is a central practice to navigating within to connect to our soul’s urgings. I invite you to circle back to "Clearing the Way" when you feel blocked in your ability to go within. 

Clearing the Way

We all feel inklings of possibility that stimulate and entice. They come in many forms.  They may be experienced as joyful inspiration in seeing someone else do something or live in a way that touches upon a latent desire or dream. Sometimes, they come cloaked in envy or a sense of discontent when we see someone engaged in life or pursuing something that beacons, but that we are denying or repressing.  Other times, urges are sparked by fear or anger about the way we see things going in the world and carry a sense that we have a contribution to make that remains unrealized. 

For many years I felt urges in each of these forms that I failed to heed. It took a crisis (as it does for many) for me to realize that this was truly my soul speaking and that these urges came from a place that was ignored at my (and by extension our) peril. Many of us need a strong wake up call to the fact that the ONLY way to really live the life we sense is possible is to listen and learn to decode our emotions and perceptions; to engage with ourselves fully and do the work to clear the way for our authentic gifts to express.

The process is one of excavation. Clearing layer by layer of beliefs and patterns of thought that over years of acculturation and experience accumulate, obscuring our vision and ability to listen deeply. When we harbor limiting beliefs about ourselves and internalize external voices we undermine our own sovereignty. In the process, we often deny our desires as well as the attributes within us and resources accessible to us that will enable us to manifest them. We mask our deeper desires with more superficial ones that when realized leave us unfulfilled.   

Conversely, when we identify with our aspirations, we are motivated beyond the tendency toward inertia that we settle into in our routines and the busyness of meeting our obligations and fulfilling our basic needs. Embracing them entices us into something new; causes us to change old habits; inspires us to learn and grow. New Year is the perennial time when we collectively engage in the exercise of staking claim to what we intend to do differently in the year ahead. 

As with so many others, I have experienced the annual failure of “the New Year’s resolution" approach. Through my failures I finally learned to practice and advocate for a a way of living throughout the year that allows us to engage ourselves more fully; to identify with our dreams in a way that ushers in the changes we know we need. Clearing the way is a rich ongoing process that combines the unearthing of memory, releasing pent up emotion and rewriting our stories in a way that empowers and enriches our relationship with ourselves and our life experience. 

From a place of devotion to our own lives that is sincere and sustained, discipline springs. This is a discipline that is not forced, but focused upon realizing a relationship with ourselves that allows for seasonal growth as we live holistically engaged with our aspirations, gifts, purpose, resources (internal and external), past, present and future. 

This year I will be focusing upon a series of offerings that will support the process of clearing, listening, aligning with and devoting ourselves to our soul’s unheeded urgings. To get you started I offer a free guided meditation to begin the process of clearing the way.

 

Harnessing the Information Hidden in Emotional Intensity.

As the year comes to a close things are heightened as we add managing everything that the season entails to our already brimming lives. On top of the multitude of events on the calendar and mounting to dos of the season, expectations build and undercurrents stir. Inevitably, we find ourselves with our hands full in the midst the holiday hustle facing down a swell of emotions surfacing from within or watching the tides rise in someone we love.

This is, after all, a time of the year when we engage with our families on a level and in a context that is loaded with expectations and interactions that evoke ghosts of the past. Even when feel we are on top of our game, managing our own expectations, have done work to heal, have forgive and/or asked for forgiveness, we find ourselves caught off guard by moments of intensity.

With so much good cheer on offer, it can be tempting to swallow our feelings with a sip of bubbly, spiced cider, creamy eggnog or a sweet treat. Even if you are not tempted as such, it is challenging to take the time or muster the capacity to give emotions the mindful attention that would truly be a precious gift to ourselves and our loved ones. 

Yet, harnessing these opportunities when they surface allows us to navigate the season skillfully to mine moments of emotional intensity for the gold hidden within them. Emotions carry with them a wealth of information. When they arise it is a potent opportunity to tend to deep seeded needs, address wounds, draw boundaries, release and evolve. As we expand and grow we encounter new layers of awareness around old wounds and family dynamics that are relevant to where we are in terms of our personal development.

The onus is on us not to blast past these fecund moments that provide opportunity for insight into what really matters and where we need to place our attention to tend to ourselves and others with care and love. By taking the time in this busy season to engage mindfully, we grow in our capacity to shine our full light of love, which is so needed in our world todayTis' the season when taking 20 minutes a day produces the most powerful payoffs. By engaging mindfully we can truly offer compassion for ourselves and the feelings of others in ways that supports the quality of connection we desire to experience.  

As my gift to you, I offer this 20 minute guided meditation to support you to ground, clear and listen within to inquire into what emotions are communicating to respond thoughtfully and address underlying needs. Use it to begin or end your busy days centered and aware. Use it to empowering effect when emotions arise to bring yourself to a place of open curiosity. 

I offer this because I have experienced so profoundly that tending to our emotions mindfully is the key to shifting patterns that steal our joy, disconnect us from our authentic voice, limit our ability to connect to others in meaningful ways and hold us back from living as we aspire to live. 

Blessings to you in this season of darkness emerging into light!

Wherein Lies Your Source of Affirmationthoug

Wherein lies your source of affirmation

Therein resides your center of power

These words came to me on a walk in the woods a few weeks back. I have been holding them in relationship to the process I am undergoing of integrating decades of experience seeking healing and growth; inquiring into how we interact with ourselves, our culture, and each other to arrive at who/how we are in the world at any moment and where that meets who/how we desire to be in the world; gathering practices and building skills to support myself in realizing a deeply sustained experience of wholeheartedness, wellbeing and living from deep trust and intuition. 

I wonder in awe and gratitude at the rich treasure trove I have cultivated within. Yet, even though I know what I offer is profoundly empowering guidance and personalized practices, I see myself succumbing to moments of disempowerment as I put myself out there officially in this capacity. 

Why? Because I am trained to look outside for validation and affirmation. I have internalized the cultural messaging that my own inner knowing is not enough, that I need the approval of others to make me feel worthy, to value my offerings and to validate my path. 

So, with the truth of those two little lines resonating in my heart, I stand with the trees, birds and squirrels as my witness saying, 

“This stops here.”

I stand with my feet firmly planted in the earth and vow to apply devotion, discipline and commitment to reclaim my source of validation with the arrival of every compliment and criticism. I place one hand on my heart and one on my belly and I acknowledge the that only true source of empowerment lies within each of us. 

I breathe deep, knowing that my breath is my greatest tool in commanding my personal power in any moment to find conscious awareness, discern and take the next right action in alignment with my intention to manifest my gifts to be of service to others in their journey of healing, growth, personal evolution and manifestation of their unique gifts. 

I am devoted to this because I look and feel around me as I walk the streets of the “land of the free” and I see people locked inside doubting, fearful and suffering. I am disciplined in my own processing, transparency and daily practices because I know that is what it takes to be free and offer guidance to others. I am committed because I know the world needs each of us to heal, grow and manifest our unique gifts. I offer myself of service because I desire for all of us to be free. 

Free to choose in each moment the thoughts, words and actions that are in alignment with our intentions.

Free to express our authenticity fully, openly and joyfully. 

Free to connect with others wholeheartedly. 

Free to pursue our highest and best good in whatever form that takes no matter what others might say. 

I believe freedom is mine to express and I support your freedom expressing through you! 

Practice: Sourcing Affirmation Self-Inquiry

Tracking your thinking to identify the messages you tell yourself, where they originate, how they limit you; then, shifting the sources and curating the content are key practices in reclaiming your source of affirmation. 

This month I offer a guided exercise to support you in empowering yourself to source clarity about your capacity to express your deepest intentions from within.

If you wish to work with this practice, please email me at evolvingmindfully@gmail.com and I will send you the audio file the will guide you through the process.

Cultivating Sacred Space Enhances and Empowers your Personal Practices

Designating and creating a space of your own where you can engage in meditation, reflection and openhearted inquiry is a potent and enlivening practice to nourish personnel evolution. When we actively cultivate this space we harness at least three powerful concepts found in myriad spiritual traditions as well as secular modes of psychological healing and transformation.

External circumstances reflect our internal conditions.

Positive feedback loops enhance and amplify change.

Using symbolism is highly effective at working on different levels of consciousness when engaging in psychological or spiritual work.

While creating and tending a personal or family sacred space at home is a practice found in different spiritual systems and cultures, the universal concepts that underpin the practice are not exclusive to a spiritual orientation nor are they bound to doctrine or dogma. In essence, this practice works with fundamental psychological function and metaphysical energetic principles that are as secular as they are spiritual;                                                                      it all depends on the orientation of the practitioner.

A personal practice space can be as small as single bookshelf (as mine is) tucked into a wall of books, a low table with a bulletin board behind it to pin images/words that inspire or as large as an entire room. What matters is that it is a place intentionally designated to reflect and mirror what is within you. It is a place to externalize soulful urgings and personal insights that support healing, personal evolution and the manifestation of your intentions.

I was thrilled when a friend shared that she has set aside time this summer to turn their attic into a personal sanctuary to engage in dreaming, musing and manifesting creative endeavors. This move comes after decades of relegating her deepest urgings as outside the realm of what was worth her time or attention. Witnessing her shift her perspective and direct energy toward creating space to tend to these aspects of herself enables is a joy to behold. It is so clear that these aspects of herself are, in fact, vitally important to her development as a person and her well being. Further, it enables her to offer the best of herself to her family and community in blossoming authenticity, from a place of personal connection and with deep pleasure.

However big or small, your space will be a place where your soul can speak its first language (symbolism) freely, fluently and to profound effect. Here you will place things that symbolically resonate on a subconscious level. Perhaps something you pick up on a walk in nature, a quote from a playbill or book that speaks to you, a postcard that called to you walking along the boardwalk with your family on vacation, an image from a magazine, a picture that you ran across of a beloved family member, a bracelet, necklace or ring from your jewelry box that symbolizes a relationship that needs some loving attention, healing or change.  

To have a place to bring symbols of the seeds within, give them space externally and attention daily creates a positive feedback loop that enhances and amplifies change. In so doing, we turn over the soil and bring to the surface vital aspects of ourselves require emotional release, psychological processing, spiritual insight, creative inspiration, planning & action. We tend what needs tending to bring our inner seeds into full bloom. 

This is a great time of year to engage in creating this space in our lives. Many of us instinctively & intuitively, moved by the clearing of the natural world through winter and the rebirth through spring, declutter our homes. We dispose of objects that have collected that do not serve and do not delight. In the process of consolidating and clearing, carve out a space for yourself to designate as personal sacred space. 

You will be inspired and heartened to see your positive feedback loop in action as you are inspired and empowered in mundane and mystical ways. The serendipitous surprises you will engender along the way will be sweet markers that you are a actively charting your own true path.

Preparing for Take-Off

On April 18th 2016 I was driving to Dulles airport in route to Tulum, Mexico to embark on a first time collaboration with Christine Koth in which we would share a journey with five stunning souls. This was a step into the unknown, a venture into vulnerability and a real walk along my growing edge. For five days we would immerse in deep practices and exploration of personal and profound aspects of who we are as humans. It was a realization of my hearts desire to craft an experience to offer what I have come to understand as central guiding principles for living in a way that reflects the wonder, meaning and mystery of embodied existence.

Orient to Love, Light and Truth

Attune in Full Perceptive Presence

 Express Authentically and in Appreciation

Honor and Hone our Intuitive Nature

I have come to think of embodying these intentions as making ones home in a liminal space where the spiritual and superficial or the mystical and mundane merge internally and from which our engagement with the external world transcends the illusion of duality. Here oneness is experienced in myriad manifestations of the sublime moment by moment as we chart our path in our day to day world. 

As I drove due west towards the airport, leaving behind my dear family for the week, I was headed straight toward the moon setting over the horizon. I observed her waxing and pondered her as representation the feminine and internal world of our emotions, memory, unconscious and collective unconscious cycling through time. Glancing in my rearview mirror I caught sight of the sun, representative of the external world, conscious mind, the masculine, manifestations in space emerging directly over the eastern skyline. I took a deep breath, touched the hand of my husband Paul and relished this moment of symbolic synchronicity; duality balancing in a liminal space along the the curvature of the Earth's surface. 

I charted this course all the way through our adventure in Tulum with two primary intentions for myself on the journey. First, embody the principles and practices we designed this experience to share in full service of the women who chose to join us. Secondly, to learn through the experience whether this new venture of creating and sharing experiences of this nature is aligned with my purpose in this life; to discover if this is a way to serve in the areas that are most meaningful to me using the gifts I have to offer. 

As we hoped, we shared a journey of sensual immersive exploration in deep presence, authenticity and explored our relationship with our intuitive knowing/internal guidance. We were restored and refreshed by the turquoise waters of the coastal landscape; offered what needs to be released and transformed to the sacred fire; expressed and sent forth our our intentions in the currents of ocean air; and grounded in the abundance and resourcefulness of the earth.

Nourished by the peace and deliciousness provided by the setting and generous spirits staffing our jungle hideaway. We were nurtured in ways that deepened our relationship with ourselves as creatures of an awe inspiring whole. Our hearts and minds were opened and expanded through practices and interactions of inquiry with ourselves, each other and the wise people of Tulum who we engaged to share with the group.

On our final morning we ventured to a little outcropping that juts into the ocean along the shore of Akumel to meditate upon the sunrise. Soaking in the moment with all my senses I offered my gratitude for the beautiful women around me and our shared experience to the oneness of all. Offering salutation to the sun emerging from the singing sea, I caught sight of the moon setting over the palms to the west and offered my sense of wonder and awe for this liminal space, seemingly elusive, yet eternally available...

I hope to see you there someday!